Wtf: "The Good Angst" 3.0

[black_sluggard]

(Or, more than you ever wanted to know about the Sluggard's emotional fetishes.)

The following is the third version of a journal I've done twice before elsewhere on the internets concerning a subject near and dear to my heart.

Angst.

The word gets thrown around a lot. As a genre in fandom, it can encompass a wide spectrum of generally negative emotional themes, from awkward social drama to outright tragedy.

Angst takes many forms, but while I am known to enjoy/indulge in/overindulge in all of its many flavors now and then, there is a specific hue of emotional distress that drags me back time and again. A feeling that I have spent practically my entire writing and roleplaying life since middle school contemplating and exploring in detail.

I call it "The Good Angst".

This is not to suggest that other angsts are bad, or that this type is superior, it's simply my phrase for the specific shade of angst that I personally enjoy the most.

The Good Angst frequently involves a base of either horror or shame, with a hefty helping of other associated feelings such as shock, insecurity, fear, doubt, uncertainty, and disgust. The key defining element of The Good Angst, however, is that these feelings are directed inward.

When a character is forced to transgress against some personal code or ingrained taboo, when they find themselves being subjected to some sort of drastic physical or mental transformation, when they come to a startling realization about themself that challenges their very concept of who they are...that is The Good Angst.

Often characters are forced into an examination of the elements that define them and their beliefs. They are frequently forced to confront feelings of isolation as they find themself at a remove from identities they once claimed, and groups to which they once belonged now that they have been consigned to the Other. Confusion is common, and often they wind up afflicted by an painful self-loathing, dread or despair at the thought of being, becoming, or doing that which is in their own minds bizarre, wrong, or utterly reprehensible.

This. This feeling. I live for this feeling, but I have no idea why.

When The Good Angst is involved, my creativity eats it up. My muses flourish. I can spend hours pounding out paragraphs on something, even if it's completely stupid. Yet if the story demands (as stories so often do) that nearly anything else happen for the next few pages, I often wind up losing my momentum...

Which inevitably leads to distraction and (almost as inevitably) the development of some other bizarre and angsty idea for my brain to sink it's pointy teeth into.

I've asked this before in other places and rarely gotten an answer. But, a few people do actually read this journal, so I'd be remiss in failing to echo it here. Probably not meme-worthy, but if you take the time in your own journals, who knows?

Is there any particular emotion or situation that calls to you? Something that impacts you or your writing in ways that nothing else can?

Comments

[sonophax.livejournal.com]

The situation I find in my own writing the most is a theme of being forged-by-fire. People who go through their worst personal hells, grit their teeth, and come out of it with newfound steel. Emotion-wise... probably that feeling of betrayal by friends or mentors. I can write on that kind of thing for AGES. Good Angst is pretty awesome to write about too!

[adja999.livejournal.com]

Wow, well... next time I need to explain to someone how I feel about angst and why I find it so crutial and interesting... I'll point them to this entry.

One writting magnet I have? Hm. I often write fix-its or silly fluffy pwp love moments, but it's like candy to me, I seldomly finish them or find them any good. It's usually post-episode frustration.

I have one thing that I seem to always fall into. Since I usually start thinking of a story in my head with a pairing, then the love story and context usuallt build up together in my head and that HATE pwp for long ass stories... I need a back story. Especially when I pull together people that would make sense together at the point in which they are in canon... I need a story, a long narration, something that makes it believable.
And almost inevitably... that goes into torture. Not necessarily litteral. I mean, mostly not. But emotional hardship, misery, physical pain or deprivation of some kind. I have a long long long story in mind that I wrote around J2, in which I transported them into an American continant devastated by a virus akin to rabbies that rendered human life to 'Reign Of Fire' survival state. And not only did I make my guys troglodytes, I made them be wounded, have to watch loved ones die, etc...
One thing I like that we French have a phrase for, I'll translate it litterally is "The emotional Elevator". yoyo would be more accurate. We use that term when a story (written, played, screened, told) takes you high, high, high and very unexpectedly plunges you into despair. (Say character A having a good day, walking into a room still giggling from a joke and finding that a friend just hung themselves to the ceiling fan.) It works the other way around, too. I like my makeout sessions to give me whiplash. When I read, and I'm really taken my the story and the tension, whether it's grave or sexy, when a good kiss happens I get all warm. When something dire happens I get chills and I curl in on myself. I try, as much as I can, to make the scenes I want intense to be THAT intense. I'm not sure if I make sense, but yeah...
And, since I sometimes have to somewhat act out the scene, at least in my head, and that it shows on my face, to find the right words, I must be a riot to watch while I write. I tear up, I grimace, I go pensive, I frown, I look murderous...
So much that I had to quit on one story, back when I used to write Veronica Mars fics, because it was so dark, so gloomy, that it made me depressed.
It's also because I work that way that there are times for some types of fics and others for different types. There are days when I just won't be able to write cheerful. And oddly, it doesn't necessarily mean that I've got the blues that day, but my writting mind doesn't feel like happy fluffly kitens and teddy bears.

I don't know if it fits into 'angst', though, because I'm not always clear on the term. But it's one of those terms that has thousands of approaching definitions. (just like I don't know how to classify music. "You said metal. Is it black metal or nu metal?" "It's music. I like it. Shut up.")

I hope some of this made any sense, and I'm sorry I wrote an essay instead of a comment. :/

[adja999.livejournal.com]

I just realized that The Good Angst you speak of, is one of the many things I consider 'torture' and I've forgotten to mention that.

[black_sluggard]

One thing I like that we French have a phrase for, I'll translate it litterally is "The emotional Elevator". yoyo would be more accurate. We use that term when a story (written, played, screened, told) takes you high, high, high and very unexpectedly plunges you into despair. (Say character A having a good day, walking into a room still giggling from a joke and finding that a friend just hung themselves to the ceiling fan.)
One thing I like about TVTropes is that it also has a phrase for everything. I think they call that one Mood Whiplash. XD

It can be fun when you do it on purpose. It's less so when, oh, I don't know... Maybe you start out with a story about an alien that begins all cracky and light like the beginning of a romcom and two chapters later you're basically writing The Thing as a love story...

And, since I sometimes have to somewhat act out the scene, at least in my head, and that it shows on my face, to find the right words, I must be a riot to watch while I write. I tear up, I grimace, I go pensive, I frown, I look murderous...
Lol, I do that too. Sometimes I'll be sitting at the computer and my sister or my mother will sometimes ask what's wrong.

So much that I had to quit on one story, back when I used to write Veronica Mars fics, because it was so dark, so gloomy, that it made me depressed.
I made myself cry working on an original story where a character is forced to abandon his son after his wife's death.

(just like I don't know how to classify music. "You said metal. Is it black metal or nu metal?" "It's music. I like it. Shut up.")
*snerk* Yeah, I had a friend on a game who was that kind of music fan, whether it was metal or country, he'd talk about the exact sub-sub-sub-subcategory, and I'd wind up all head-tilty and feel like a dog just trying to figure out whether or not it's master is talking about bacon.

[adja999.livejournal.com]

Indeed, mood whiplash is very accurate for it.

Ah, well... It can be annoying when your story runs away with you, but it's all about being able to keep it on a leash and on the track you meant-ish. I like that sometimes my characters decide on a scene because of how I made them. When *who* they are determines that something has to happen *this way*. It makes them feel more real to me, since they have a personallity and sort of argue back at me. They're big people now. I'm their maker, not their momma. :P ^^

Lol, I do that too. Sometimes I'll be sitting at the computer and my sister or my mother will sometimes ask what's wrong.
Indeed. My usual scene plays out.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, um... It's okay, i just killed someone."
"O.o" ... "Just so we're clear, you're writting right now."
"Nah. I just ordered a hit online with my negative account balance. Duh."

XD I feel your pain. When I try to explain a music genre, for instance, when I'm telling someone about a band they don't know, I tend to compare. "It's got a 60's feel to it." or "It could sound like Sum 41, but the singer is more like Billie Joe Armstrong (GreenDay)" or "It's like Evanescence started singing like Gojira" (which is a total improve for exemple purposes and sounds... interesting?).

[cyren-2132.livejournal.com]

I think some of my best fic focuses on the mental anguish of a particular character -- but sees it largely through the lens of other characters who are making realizations and having their own feelings about new information. I can't just do one person's "Everything is horrible!" ... I need someone else to be having a reaction to it, too.

I've written some stuff in this vein that I really like, but it's also been really dark and for some reason I felt like I needed a sock puppet for them. But as a lighter example, lately I've been re-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and have been struck with this idea that I will probably never write wherein Xander has a horrible home life and becomes distant, Giles discovers it and is forced to look at him in a new (non-romantic, thank you) light and there ends up being mega-bonding between them. And while Xander's emotional state surrounding his life makes great brain food for me, it's Giles' re-examination of everything he thought he knew that's the big draw.

But yeah, while I've been busy daydreaming about Xander and Giles or any number of stories for Kevin Ryan...my poor Percy-centric Harry Potter story has been languishing in a relatively happy chapter with something like three sentences added every three weeks or something.