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black_sluggard) wrote2013-05-13 01:36 am
(Fic) Slice of Life: Solo Duet
Series: Life
Fandoms:Castle
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Humor, PWP, Angst.
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unbetad.
Details: Slash, AU, genre!crack, zombies, awkwardness, naughtiness, teasing, sexual dysfunction, masturbation, exhibitionism, dirty talk.
Characters/Pairings: Javier Esposito/Kevin Ryan
Wordcount: 1,241
Summary: Life isn't always perfect, but it often doesn't have to be.
Notes: Just a little early-relationship snippet from the Life 'verse (maybe a few days to a week after the end of Quality of Life) that's been sitting around unfinished for ages. I believe it was initially inspired by MMOM atleast two years ago, but never finished until now.
"You know, we don't have to do this..."
It had been plain to Kevin only a few minutes into it that Javier's mind really wasn't on the game, as it were. That was fine. It wasn't even all that unusual. Though Javier's libido was greater than average compared to the majority of post-vitals, Kevin guessed it was probably still far below what it had been before his illness. Which, again, was fine. Kevin had understood that much going into this, and the last thing he wanted was for Javier to think it was a problem.
Or, perhaps more accurately, the last thing he wanted was for sex to become something Javier thought he had to do in order to keep Kevin happy.
"Honestly, I don't...mind," Javier said awkwardly—though earnestly and seriously—when Kevin stopped him.
And Kevin almost wished he hadn't said anything, deeply regretting the insecurity that showed in his partner's eyes.
"Look, I'm not saying I don't want to with you," Kevin said quickly. "I mean, I really, really, want to with you. I'm just— I don't know. Giving you an out? Because you shouldn't have to unless you really want to. Period."
And Kevin knew he was babbling, but seeing Javier looking uncertain like that did all kind of namelessly unhappy things to him. Plus, he hadn't been lying when he said he wanted to—Kevin wanted to like crazy right now—so he wasn't exactly in his right mind.
"Seriously, I mean— I have managed to take care of myself most of my life," Kevin insisted, though he brought himself to a halt with a frown. "Shut up. I mean that in a way that isn't...sad."
Though at least it seemed to have broken most of the tension.
"Sure," Javier said, his sudden, amused smirk disappearing obediently behind a serious expression as he sat back against the pillows. "Fine."
It sounded almost sullen, which Kevin was fairly certain was intentional. And, okay, there was a childishly selfish part of him that wished Javier had put up more of a fight, but Kevin squashed it quickly.
He had intended to take things elsewhere after that, however when he moved to stand Kevin found himself brought quickly back onto the bed by Javier's arm around his waist. Confused, Kevin didn't resist. He soon found himself sitting nestled between his partner's legs, almost in his lap. Javier pulled him tightly against his chest, stubbornly anchoring him there and resting his chin on Kevin's shoulder.
"Uh-uh," Javier murmured softly against his neck, tightening his embrace almost possessively. "Still want this. Stay here. Let me watch."
Kevin's mind stalled on him for just a moment, and even after it started up again it took more than a few seconds for him to really warm up to the idea. Which, really, probably had a lot less to do with psyching himself up than it did with the cool hand skimming lightly across his belly. Kevin knew it was more than just a little ridiculous that he suddenly felt so exposed—it wouldn't have been possible, after all, for him to be any more naked than he already was—but this shift in what was expected of him somehow changed everything about the situation.
His throat and mouth felt painfully dry. It was possible that it already had been and he was only now noticing, but either way it felt like he was swallowing sand. And it wasn't possible for Javier to have read the uncertainty on Kevin's face from where his partner sat behind him, but it was likely that he felt it. By way of encouragement—or so Kevin was forced to assume—Javier slid a hand under his elbow, touch drifting lightly up his forearm. Intertwining their fingers, Javier lifted Kevin's hand, turning it over in his. Bringing that hand up to his mouth, Javier licked a cool, slick stripe across the flesh of Kevin's palm.
Kevin swore softly, and decided he didn't need to be told twice.
Kevin sat back against his partner as he took hold of his dick, and he felt Javier's lips curve into smile against his neck. He was still hard from their earlier warm-up—and it was funny how the irony of the term only struck him as he took himself in hand, sorely missing the usual contrast of cooler skin against the overheated flesh of his cock.
"You know, when I said I didn't mind, that wasn't what I really meant," Javier told him suddenly.
Kevin had only just started to enjoy success in his efforts. His partner's voice was soft and low behind him, and perilously distracting—though in all the best sort of ways.
"Even when I don't need it," Javier said, "I love seeing how much you do. God, you're beautiful like this, Kev."
And Kevin wasn't sure if Javier expected him to respond, but at this point it would have been practically impossible to split his focus.
"It's nice, having the chance to just sit back and enjoy it," Javier continued, his words a quiet almost-whisper that stirred the hairs behind Kevin's ear, making his shiver. "I mean, don't get me wrong, the sex is fantastic, but sometimes I just want to enjoy you—just the feel of your body against mine is enough sometimes. Almost too much. Feeling the heat climb in your skin, hearing your breath hitch, your heart race..."
Those cool fingers were roaming across his chest again, brushing lightly over the ticklish skin beneath Kevin's ribs. And he bit off another curse under his breath, because there wasn't a chance in hell Javier didn't know exactly what he was doing.
"Sometimes I think if I could just stop and listen carefully I could tell how close you are just from your heartbeat..."
Javier paused briefly, and Kevin heard the slow, deep breath his partner took, inhaling his scent.
"God, I love that sound, Kev," Javier said, and in spite of his earlier lack of passion, his words had gained a roughness at their edge. "Listening to you... It's like being alive again."
And, normally, Kevin would never have let Javier get away with saying a thing like that, but cool lips at the back of his neck all but wiped the words from memory. Which Kevin wanted to tell him wasn't remotely fair, but the noise that came out failed to even be words, so he was pretty sure he lost that argument by default. As if that fact weren't self evident, the light press of teeth against the knob of his spine brought him to a decisive end, and Kevin melted back against the cool, solid surface of Javier's chest, panting.
They lay together for a while, silent and still as Kevin regained his breath. Javier leaned in, arms wrapped tightly around him as if trying to keep the heated flush that still simmered in his blood from escaping his skin.
"I never want you to feel like what you want is a burden," Javier said, his voice low, hardly more than a whisper against Kevin's throat, "or like you're somehow taking advantage of me. If I need space I promise I'll tell you, but... You are not a chore, Kevin. And I'm thankful for what we have together every day."
The words—direct, and with an honesty that was starkly naked and so unlike Javier—left him stunned, and for a moment he couldn't speak, but Kevin felt they needed to be answered nonetheless.
"Shit, Javi..."
Yet whatever he might have been about to say it was quickly silenced as Javier turned Kevin's face toward his, pulling him into a consuming kiss that left no room for debate.
So, yeah. So far, this series has taken me several places I never thought I'd ever go (otherwise known as "omg, where did all the porn come from?!"), and in so doing has unexpectedly distanced me from some of the details I had established. Though Javier is noted as a minority exception, the first fic establishes that the majority of post-vitals are asexual.
Or at least that's the belief held by characters in the setting. The more complicated "truth" as I have it in my mind is as follows:
a. All post-vitals possess a reduced sex drive because the changes rewiring the brain construct the predatory impulse by hijacking existing drives.
b. Post-vitals' experiences of sexual desire are under-reported due to the lack of recognizable physiological responses—like sweating, increases in heart rate, flushing, and other changes in blood-flow—and because shifts in what actually excites the brain in a sexual manner can easily be mistaken as being purely predatory impulses. (Remember, it took Javier a while to figure it out himself.)
c. The average person doesn't want to think about post-vitals, period, let alone about them having sex, so it hasn't been properly studied or explored in the mainstream of science or culture.
(Which sounds fucked up, but is probably just as true of people suffering real life medical conditions, so I don't see it being any different here.)
This doesn't actually change much. Most post-vitals are asexual, but its a smaller majority than people think.
Now, it probably doesn't feel like Javier suffers much of an impairment to his libido as far as that goes, but this is due to the focus the series has had on Javi and Kevin's relationship and a slightly skewed cross-section of their time spent together (otherwise known as "All The Porn").
And in case you're wondering (though gods know why you would), I do actually have several ideas for fic in this series that would deal with Javier's ED. Just...I don't even know what to say anymore.
TL;DR: So, I think this is me trying to make Javier's sexual dysfunction...sexy? Romantic? Sweet? Somehow? I don't even know.
no subject
I have been lurkingly (I am making that a word)reading your fic for ages now. And I love it, it is dark and strange in ways but so well written that it just pulls me in. And I know it may be strange but I love the 'Authors Notes' the most. :) The lack of funny in the fic sometimes is made up for in the comments you make, trust me. :)Thank you for writing the way you do. :) (lots of smiley faces I am leaving today)
no subject
And thanks so much for commenting. Getting feedback like this just makes my day. :)