11172011

[black_sluggard]

So, most of the people who have me on their flist probably read my fics. I know the "Life" series is pretty popular right now, so while this post isn't about fic, here's a little background on that...

My dad had a stroke a couple years ago, and while it might not have been my intent at the time, whenever I read "Quality of Life", I can't help but see the influence of that experience in the fic. Hidden behind the zombies and the gay porn, it's a story about illness and hospitalization, and diseases that effect the mind, and the impact that has on a person and those who care about them for the rest of their life. Because it's hard seeing someone you love pull through something, only not everything upstairs is quite the same. And when they're aware of it, when they know and struggle against those new difficulties, in a way, watching that struggle while and after they recover can sometimes be even harder than seeing them taken down by it in the first place.

About an hour ago, my father had a seizure. He's never had one before, and my mom went to the hospital with him, and I'm just left here hoping he's going to be okay. I'm really worried about him.

And I just... I don't know. I wanted to get that out there. Articulate that that's the place where that story came from. I'm not really looking for sympathy on here (not saying don't comment, I just don't really need that) but any quiet well-wishing you'd like to do on your own would obviously be appreciated, even if I'll never know about it.

---

Edit: He's going to be okay. They're pretty sure they know what tipped it off, and he's on his way home right now.

Comments

[roachstar.livejournal.com]

I'm here if you ever need to talk hon and I'm sorry to hear about your Dad *quietly well-wishes*

[game-byrd.livejournal.com]

Life can include some really hard decisions and more than that, it can include some really hard things that aren't decisions at all, but just things that happen and you have to endure.

I, for one, have found a lot of strength from not leaving my issues hidden behind the fic or worse yet, trapped in my own head. Writing it down and getting it out of my head works just as well for emotional trauma as it does for persistent plot bunnies. It need not be published - just writing helps.

There's a lot of crap that can land in a person's life. I think some people get off easier than others. You have my well-wishes.

[adja999.livejournal.com]

I may reply to this out of order, but I totally understand what you mean about not asking for sympathy. I often just write on here to lay it all out, and reflect on it on paper, if that makes any sense. Like you said, it's about articulating your thoughts and feelings.

I hope your dad is okay, and I hope everybody around him is as well. *hug*

One of my uncles had a heart attack four years ago, he died, pretty much. For 8min. Which today, makes him a studied example in medicine around the world because after 6 minute, you're never supposed to wake up. Ironic if you considered he used to be a hot shot doctor (and I mean that, hot shot. Not to brag, because because it must be weird for the guys who used to look up to him too).
Anyway, he survived. But he isn't all here either. He doesn't remember much of what happened after 25 years ago (my sister and I don't exist, my big brother is a baby, my dad's with his ex... he doesn't know hiw daughters, because in his head, they're teenagers). He's got the emotional maturity of a 5 year old and the sexual drive of a 17 year old. -> He gropes every appetizing girl he sees (for example, his nieces... Oo) and then bursts into tears when you push him away.

Stuff that happen in the brain are the weirdest. He had to re learn speaking French (we're french). But everything he knew by heart he still knows. So he could introduce himself and do conferences speeches in German or English right off the bat. He still knows all the names, molecules and uses of the meds he used to prescribre or invented but he had to be taught how to make the shower work or how to brush his teeth.

This was really hard on his family. And I don't wish that on anyone because his wife is now a wreck. (You bet.)

So yeah... You didn't give many specifics (this isn't me asking for some, btw); but I hope it's not that bad in your case.
My great grand ma (correct phrase? my dad's grand ma.) has Alzeimers, and she can tell you something three times in a raw, but she's still totally her. She is dependent cause she can't manage money anymore, but other than that... she's an old lady.

Anyway... this is sharing time, apparently.

Anywho, I'm not here to tell you you're not alone going through this, because that's just not something that helps when you suffer. My point is that there are people that do get how you feel. And that's different.

If you ever need to talk, I'm around. It looks like there are others. And I know how important it can be.

Also, I find it awesome that you could let it out a bit in your fic. That has to help somehow. If not with the pain, probably with the processing of what's happened/is happening.

*hug*

[black_sluggard]

Yeah, trust me I appreciate getting that you get it, if that makes any sense.

My father's issues aren't anywhere near being that severe. They were worse when he first got out of the hospital after the stroke, and his brain was still recovering from the swelling. He'd sometimes have trouble using the right word for something, where he'd use a completely wrong word or phrase for what he was trying to tell us. He also had these really messed up, vivid nightmares that he'd have trouble believing hadn't been real, no matter how much you tried to reassure him...which, kind of wound up in the fic a little bit.

He still has these bouts of confusion or anxiety, and problems with his memory, and times when he gets frustrated trying to follow movies (and sometimes it just seems like the expectation that he won't understand throws him off). But again, its him, and I'm just happy to still have my dad. It's just hard seeing him have to deal with that, because I know those things bother him. I mean, obviously.

So, yeah.

[black_sluggard]

Thanks.

[dizzydrea.livejournal.com]

I know we don't know each other, and I know I just found you tonight, but I wanted to say that I'm glad to hear your dad will be okay.

We went through a health scare with my dad (angioplasty, three stents), and even though it's been four years, I still find myself checking to see if he's still breathing. It's silly, because he never had a heart attack, but he came close, and without the angioplasy, he would have.

It's life-altering in a way you can't begin to imagine before it happens. And you go through this whole experience wondering why it's happening and what you could do to change the outcome, make it so that it never even happened. You're a talented writer, and yet you can't write yourself out of this one. It's frustrating, and disheartening, and for just a little while you think you're the only one who's ever been down this road.

So, I get where you're coming from, and I think writing it out of your head is your best therapy. Whatever helps you to cope with the craziness that this whole thing has brought into your life, that's what you should do. And if someone says that's not the way to cope, screw 'em. They're not you and they can never understand what it means to be you living through this.

Okay, done being preachy. Just know that I'll be thinking of you and your family, and praying that things will get easier.

[cathedral-junki.livejournal.com]

that's really scary about your dad, i'm glad that he's going to be ok. And I'm really sorry (as inadequate as that is) about the stroke.