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Title: Black Edelweiss
Series: Zeitgeist
Follows: One Giant Leap
Wordcount: 1,083
Summary: Two weeks after Claire Bennet's televised leap from the Ferris wheel, the 12th handles it's first case delving into the strange world of specials. Evidence points the investigation toward a former Company Agent, a man Noah Bennet would swear up and down doesn't exist.
Details: Minimal details due to inflation. Full warnings and details in main post.
PREV: Interlude 6 // MAIN // NEXT: Chapter Eleven
Kevin & Jenny—Manhattan, New York; December 17th, 2010; 11:24 PM
He hadn't expected her to pick up on the first ring, though, in hindsight, Kevin knew he should have.
On any other day, if he was going to be at the station after eight o'clock, he would have called to let her know, but today it had entirely slipped his mind. And when she had finally called him around nine o'clock Kevin had been sitting in that side office with Javier, waiting with anxious dread for his reality to be redefined. Hearing the sharp trill of his phone, Kevin had pulled it from his jacket pocket by reflex only to stare at her number on the display in stupid, frozen panic. It must have rung at least six times before Javier had finally pulled it from his hand. His partner had looked at it with odd, blank indecision before switching it off, sliding it back to him across the table.
Kevin had hesitated in retrieving it. He almost never turned it off. Not that he failed to understand why Javier had done it, and Kevin had been quietly thankful to have one less thing to think about. Still, something about it had bothered him. And it made no logical sense, but it had felt strange when he picked it up. It was the same phone, but it had seemed oddly heavier... More inert.
All of his earlier panic came surging back with accumulated interest once Kevin heard her voice over the line.
"Hey, sweetheart," Kevin managed finally, though he barely kept his voice from trembling.
"Kevin, where are you?" Jenny's voice sounded strangely distant, almost unreal. "It's almost midnight. Why didn't you call? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine," he told her, keeping his tone light, though in truth Kevin was so far from fine he couldn't have found it with a GPS. "I left my phone in the break room and someone switched it off. Took me forever to find it."
Kevin hated lying to her, but no part of the truth even approached sane. He needed to tell her something, though, and he didn't know what else he possibly could have said. The thought crept in uninvited through some back door in his brain that it shouldn't have mattered—not when nearly everything else he had ever told her about himself was a lie anyway. They had simply been lies that Kevin had believed. That thought opened up a hollow feeling in Kevin's chest, a gap exposing the terror that had been threatening to devour him ever since he had seen that photograph of—
Swallowing against his nausea, Kevin tried to push it from his mind.
Don't think about it, he told himself furiously. Don't think about the past, don't try to imagine the future. Just focus on what's in front of you and you might manage not to fall apart again.
"I'm still at the station," Kevin continued after a few moments, once he was sure his voice would be steady. "I'm...I'm going to be...late. There's an important case we need to focus on and...I don't know when I'll be able to get away from it. I—"
He took a deep breath.
"You might not hear from me for a while, okay?"
"Kevin...are you sure everything is alright?"
Kevin could hear the worry that was beginning to take root in her voice despite his efforts to avoid it. Emotionally exhausted, Kevin was unable to hold back a sigh.
"Of course. It's just...it's just a really tough case, Jenn." Kevin knew he had to end this. He was already dangerously close to changing his mind. Taking another deep breath to ease the tightness in his chest, he added, "Listen I— I gotta go. Love you."
"I love you too. Be careful."
The silence on the other end of the line once the connection closed had never sounded so empty. Switching it off Kevin opened the drawer in his desk, dropping the phone on top of the files inside. After removing his holster, his badge and gun soon followed.
Pulling out his wallet Kevin flipped it open to the photos he carried with him. Pictures of Jenny or the two of them together mostly, and more than a few of him and his partner. He even had one of Javier and himself with Castle at the Old Haunt... But there were no photos of his family, no old friends from back home.
Kevin's throat tightened painfully, tears of grief and confusion stinging his eyes.
There was no sister living in Baltimore, always promising to send new pictures of his nephew. No old house with the creaky bannister and his mother's roses and the loose board in his closet where he had hidden his baseball cards. If that place ever had existed it hadn't been in Buffalo—Kevin couldn't even know for sure whether he had ever been there himself. He had never joined the Boy Scouts with his friends—and God, but the reality that potentially lay behind those memories turned his stomach. And Konrad's father had been a watchmaker, not a cop, so for all he knew every one of those stories he remembered listening to while growing up might actually have been Conway's. His.
Kevin took a shaking breath and tried to focus on the the pictures in front of him, clinging desperately to the knowledge that these moments had existed, that he had proof that he had lived them. Proof that there were pieces of himself that were real, no matter what else about him might not be. Kevin stared at those photographs a long time, until the tears in his eyes rendered the faces blurred and indistinct...
Then he threw the wallet into the drawer with all the rest, shutting and locking it before running a hand over his face.
Kevin knew he had to try and get a grip on himself. He had just a few short minutes before he had to walk into that interrogation room and—cease to exist. If something went wrong, if he never came back from this, the last time Javier and the others saw him it shouldn't be as a victim. In this and only this had he been given a choice, and though it terrified him beyond the point of reason, he refused to change his mind. After all, without the illusion of his past to stand on, his decisions and his actions were really all he had. The least he could do was follow through on them like a man.
Even if he wasn't real, Kevin thought that had to count for something...
PREV: Interlude 6 // MAIN // NEXT: Chapter Eleven
Author's Note: Does anyone else find the idea of Hitler Youth!Ryan as disturbing as I do? That's not just me I hope?
This is more of a mini chapter than an interlude, as it takes place within the current plot. But the next chapter is actually Javi's, and I thought we needed to know what things looked like inside Kevin's head a bit..
Series: Zeitgeist
Follows: One Giant Leap
Wordcount: 1,083
Summary: Two weeks after Claire Bennet's televised leap from the Ferris wheel, the 12th handles it's first case delving into the strange world of specials. Evidence points the investigation toward a former Company Agent, a man Noah Bennet would swear up and down doesn't exist.
Details: Minimal details due to inflation. Full warnings and details in main post.
PREV: Interlude 6 // MAIN // NEXT: Chapter Eleven
Kevin & Jenny—Manhattan, New York; December 17th, 2010; 11:24 PM
He hadn't expected her to pick up on the first ring, though, in hindsight, Kevin knew he should have.
On any other day, if he was going to be at the station after eight o'clock, he would have called to let her know, but today it had entirely slipped his mind. And when she had finally called him around nine o'clock Kevin had been sitting in that side office with Javier, waiting with anxious dread for his reality to be redefined. Hearing the sharp trill of his phone, Kevin had pulled it from his jacket pocket by reflex only to stare at her number on the display in stupid, frozen panic. It must have rung at least six times before Javier had finally pulled it from his hand. His partner had looked at it with odd, blank indecision before switching it off, sliding it back to him across the table.
Kevin had hesitated in retrieving it. He almost never turned it off. Not that he failed to understand why Javier had done it, and Kevin had been quietly thankful to have one less thing to think about. Still, something about it had bothered him. And it made no logical sense, but it had felt strange when he picked it up. It was the same phone, but it had seemed oddly heavier... More inert.
All of his earlier panic came surging back with accumulated interest once Kevin heard her voice over the line.
"Hey, sweetheart," Kevin managed finally, though he barely kept his voice from trembling.
"Kevin, where are you?" Jenny's voice sounded strangely distant, almost unreal. "It's almost midnight. Why didn't you call? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine," he told her, keeping his tone light, though in truth Kevin was so far from fine he couldn't have found it with a GPS. "I left my phone in the break room and someone switched it off. Took me forever to find it."
Kevin hated lying to her, but no part of the truth even approached sane. He needed to tell her something, though, and he didn't know what else he possibly could have said. The thought crept in uninvited through some back door in his brain that it shouldn't have mattered—not when nearly everything else he had ever told her about himself was a lie anyway. They had simply been lies that Kevin had believed. That thought opened up a hollow feeling in Kevin's chest, a gap exposing the terror that had been threatening to devour him ever since he had seen that photograph of—
Swallowing against his nausea, Kevin tried to push it from his mind.
Don't think about it, he told himself furiously. Don't think about the past, don't try to imagine the future. Just focus on what's in front of you and you might manage not to fall apart again.
"I'm still at the station," Kevin continued after a few moments, once he was sure his voice would be steady. "I'm...I'm going to be...late. There's an important case we need to focus on and...I don't know when I'll be able to get away from it. I—"
He took a deep breath.
"You might not hear from me for a while, okay?"
"Kevin...are you sure everything is alright?"
Kevin could hear the worry that was beginning to take root in her voice despite his efforts to avoid it. Emotionally exhausted, Kevin was unable to hold back a sigh.
"Of course. It's just...it's just a really tough case, Jenn." Kevin knew he had to end this. He was already dangerously close to changing his mind. Taking another deep breath to ease the tightness in his chest, he added, "Listen I— I gotta go. Love you."
"I love you too. Be careful."
The silence on the other end of the line once the connection closed had never sounded so empty. Switching it off Kevin opened the drawer in his desk, dropping the phone on top of the files inside. After removing his holster, his badge and gun soon followed.
Pulling out his wallet Kevin flipped it open to the photos he carried with him. Pictures of Jenny or the two of them together mostly, and more than a few of him and his partner. He even had one of Javier and himself with Castle at the Old Haunt... But there were no photos of his family, no old friends from back home.
Kevin's throat tightened painfully, tears of grief and confusion stinging his eyes.
There was no sister living in Baltimore, always promising to send new pictures of his nephew. No old house with the creaky bannister and his mother's roses and the loose board in his closet where he had hidden his baseball cards. If that place ever had existed it hadn't been in Buffalo—Kevin couldn't even know for sure whether he had ever been there himself. He had never joined the Boy Scouts with his friends—and God, but the reality that potentially lay behind those memories turned his stomach. And Konrad's father had been a watchmaker, not a cop, so for all he knew every one of those stories he remembered listening to while growing up might actually have been Conway's. His.
Kevin took a shaking breath and tried to focus on the the pictures in front of him, clinging desperately to the knowledge that these moments had existed, that he had proof that he had lived them. Proof that there were pieces of himself that were real, no matter what else about him might not be. Kevin stared at those photographs a long time, until the tears in his eyes rendered the faces blurred and indistinct...
Then he threw the wallet into the drawer with all the rest, shutting and locking it before running a hand over his face.
Kevin knew he had to try and get a grip on himself. He had just a few short minutes before he had to walk into that interrogation room and—cease to exist. If something went wrong, if he never came back from this, the last time Javier and the others saw him it shouldn't be as a victim. In this and only this had he been given a choice, and though it terrified him beyond the point of reason, he refused to change his mind. After all, without the illusion of his past to stand on, his decisions and his actions were really all he had. The least he could do was follow through on them like a man.
Even if he wasn't real, Kevin thought that had to count for something...
PREV: Interlude 6 // MAIN // NEXT: Chapter Eleven
Author's Note: Does anyone else find the idea of Hitler Youth!Ryan as disturbing as I do? That's not just me I hope?
This is more of a mini chapter than an interlude, as it takes place within the current plot. But the next chapter is actually Javi's, and I thought we needed to know what things looked like inside Kevin's head a bit..
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: Saturday, 21 January 2012 07:32 pm (UTC)From:I don't have anything coherent to say, just ;_;
no subject
Date: Saturday, 21 January 2012 08:06 pm (UTC)From:And oh, hey, look... I got someone to comment on an interlude chapter. XD
no subject
Date: Monday, 30 January 2012 03:47 pm (UTC)From:I get what you meant when you said it was funny I mentionned Dollhouse. What makes a murder a murder? The fact that someone ceases to exist? The fact that a body dies? Only both?
If Kevin's just a made up personality, an 'imprint', if he goes away, doesn't he die just the same?
God, this has to be terrifying for him. Watching Dollhouse I've often thought about that. They have a good process with the treatment illusion. But an imprint like Viktor's when he was with Dewitt, aware of what dolls are... if they ever realize what they are. I magine the terror. *shudders*
no subject
Date: Monday, 30 January 2012 06:04 pm (UTC)From:This fic was why it sucked going over to your journal looking for Secret Santa ideas, seeing Dollhouse stuff, and going "Perfect! Wait... Shit, I'm already writing crap like that." >.< I bent my brain over backwards trying to find a way to justify writing Javier as a doll instead, but Ike fucking Thornton roots him pretty solidly in reality. And I'm anal about canon where possible, so instead...magical mice.
*sigh*
I think my favorite scene/performance/character/et al has to be when Victor was programmed with Dominick's imprint. The terror in that moment he realizes he's not just in the chair, that he's Victor...
The plot and everything was awesome, but nothing on that show ever impressed me as much as the way Enver Gjokaj managed to "play" Dominick and Topher so well. He had their mannerisms down pat, so you could really imagine they were the ones behind the wheel.
no subject
Date: Monday, 30 January 2012 06:23 pm (UTC)From:Dominic/Viktor was fun. Kiki/Viktor was illarious. And I thought he made a PERFECT Topher. He managed the exact same voice and inflections. *cuddles*
This actor is just so versatile. I hope we see more of him in the future.
I liked molified Boyd at the end. The smily face moment he had when he was neutrilized and loved everybody? (Though the plot twist itself... Yeah. Ok. WHatever.)
And the episode when they all got high with Boyd giggling and playing the piano and Adelle and Topher together.
I loved those two.
There was probably a very interesting back story behind them.
AND Topher and Claire. But that's a fic I may work on eventually.
no subject
Date: Monday, 30 January 2012 07:55 pm (UTC)From:It would follow (lets say Javier, because I already farked with Kevin's memories) as the team makes headway into discoverying the existence of Rossom, up to the eventual reveal that he and Kevin both are actually working for Rossom, a doll/handler duo, with Javier unaware of their true purpose there.
The story behind how they wound up that way would have involved this whole thing where they were originally a couple, and something happened that forced them to make a dirty deal. And Jenny's sort of the handler's handler, making sure Kevin plays along.
Hm... You know, now I'm seeing how this could still work. But it'll have to wait until I finish some of my WIPs, because I don't need to start another one yet. :/
no subject
Date: Monday, 30 January 2012 11:38 pm (UTC)From:Hm... So you'd have Kevin has a 'hostage handler'? Like Ballard is, sort of?
I may go differently with it. Because I'm twisted. And removing personalities and creating others to imprint isn't tiwsted enough for me. Therefore:
Hm... Javier is the doll doll (bear with me). Then Kevin's the handler doll. (Kind of like when they repurposed Echo to protect the suicidal starlet singer. He's not aware he's nudging Javier in the wrong/right direction.) And Jenny would be an actual handler. Mean bitch like the Senator's wife.
But to what end? Just to watch Beckett?
Hm. They did go to a lot of trouble to watch Ballard. Therefore, if they're here to watch closely that Kate doesn't get close to her mom's killer and the reasons why... it would mean that she's close to key evindence. I like it!
And... I'm sorry if I have you sidetracked again, at least in considerations. But, if you ever get around to working on this one... I'll be here to help, um... complexify everything, apparently.
no subject
Date: Tuesday, 31 January 2012 02:06 am (UTC)From:For me, the "twisted" part is the perceived betrayal of trust, the fact that Javier isn't who he thinks he is, and that Kevin has known it the whole time, and kept it from him. I figure there'd be residual feelings there, like Victor/Sierra, but ones that make no sense from the perspective of Javier's imprint, and when he learns the truth, having that explanation would only make the betrayal that much deeper.
But to what end? Just to watch Beckett?
Yeah, I don't know. Brain always starts with the Roach first, and figures out the rest afterwards. XD
no subject
Date: Friday, 27 July 2012 03:15 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: Friday, 27 July 2012 03:27 am (UTC)From:In my mind, memories that are altered versus memories that are invented is the thin line separating delusion from psychosis. Nearly all of Kevin's "fake" memories actually come from somewhere. And Konrad's lived long enough that he's got plenty of material to work with...
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Date: Friday, 27 July 2012 03:32 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: Friday, 27 July 2012 03:59 am (UTC)From:Delusions can be a symptom of psychosis, but they can also occur on their own. They can also be very specific and confined to a single detail a person's life to the point where it can go unnoticed for a very long time. And people suffering from psychosis may be greatly disconnected from reality.
Kevin isn't remembering things that never happened. His mind isn't just making things up. He's just remembering things that did happen wrong.