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Title: Black Edelweiss
Series: Zeitgeist
Follows: One Giant Leap
Wordcount: 1,781
Summary: Two weeks after Claire Bennet's televised leap from the Ferris wheel, the 12th handles it's first case delving into the strange world of specials. Evidence points the investigation toward a former Company Agent, a man Noah Bennet would swear up and down doesn't exist.
Details: Minimal details due to inflation. Full warnings and details in main post.
PREV: Chapter Twenty-Four // MAIN // NEXT: Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter 25: Proof of Life
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
—Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night
"Take me out tonight... Take me anywhere, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care... And in the darkened underpass I thought, 'Oh God, my chance has come at last'. But then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask..."
All things considered, Javier knew there were worse sounds to wake up to with a hangover than the sound of his partner singing softly along with the radio. Not that Kevin would ever be able to quit his day job for it, but he could carry a tune well enough and the sound of his voice was...nice. Awareness filtered back in slowly, and Javier listened with half an ear, waiting patiently for the fog in his head to clear and for the heavy, tingling listlessness in his muscles to fade away. Slowly—far too slowly for his tastes—both symptoms eased off enough, as well as the disorientation that went with them, for Javier to recognize that they weren't the signs of any normal hangover. Once he had, the memory returned to him of his last moments before losing consciousness...
And, when it did, Javier also realized that it wasn't Kevin that was singing.
"And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die..."
Inanely, the thought tickled in the back of Javier's mind that, where Kevin's affection for the Smiths had never quite seemed to fit, for Konrad it made perfect sense...
Javier chose to blame it on the strange fuzziness still clinging to this thoughts.
It was a hard fight to full alertness, and even once he had his entire body felt like a waking limb, prickling sharply with returning sensation as the heavy numbness gradually went away. Opening his eyes, Javier quickly confirmed—surprisingly—that they were still in his car, though they were pulled over and parked outside of a post office, and Javier now sat on the passenger side. With the numbness finally passing, Javier became aware of a dull ache in his neck, which was unsurprising considering the position he was lying in. Trying to straighten up, Javier was unable to hold back a groan.
Though the noise was was soft Konrad must have heard it, even over the radio, because his singing trailed off abruptly. Though he didn't look up from what he was doing—occupied once again, it seemed, with some nonsense on Javier's phone—there was a stiff, guilty tension wound into his posture. Javier watched him in silence for a moment, for some inexplicable reason feeling generous enough to give Konrad a chance to explain himself. Another minute ticked by in which Konrad refused to even look at him, but Javier watched him slowly grow more anxious and fidgety under the scrutiny.
"Just...what the hell?" Javier asked finally, as much for the sake of his own head as to stop the whirlwind of guilty misdirection that instinct screamed was about to be hurled his way.
Because the whole situation had plowed violently through Javier's supply of fucks-to-give, and right now he simply didn't have the strength.
"You nodded off and almost drove us off the road again," Konrad told him, cautiously. "You didn't trust me to drive us all the way back to the station, but you said I could find us a safe place to park. I called Detective Beckett to let her know we would be...delayed. Then her partner walked me through sending him a photo of you while you were sleeping—proof of life, he said—and you clearly needed the rest, so I was just killing time while waiting for you to wake up. And I'm sorry if the music woke you, but it was really quiet in here and I just—"
"Stop," Javier said, interrupting him tiredly. "I believe you."
Though in actuality—the part about Castle excepted—Javier absolutely didn't.
Javier didn't have proof, but he would have been willing to bet that Konrad had roofied him with the same ability he had used on Samson back in the hospital. But he didn't like the idea of bringing that mess back up again, so if Konrad saw fit to toss him an acceptable lie, Javier was willing to play along. At this point Javier felt interrogating him again would be a waste of time, and an unacceptable distraction when he was so close to getting Kevin back. He found it very hard to care about Konrad's motives in the face of that. Hell, for all Javier knew, Konrad might have just thought he needed the sleep that badly.
Though there was one thing that was still bothering him...
"You could have run," Javier said.
Javier didn't like to acknowledge that—the fact that he was essentially at Konrad's mercy—didn't like to think about how easily he might have lost track of him again.
Beside him, Konrad let out a startled laugh.
"Keith Richards is still alive?"
The non sequitur threw Javier for approximately three seconds, at the end of which he leaned over, switching off the radio before snatching his phone decisively from Konrad's hands. Finally meeting his eye, Konrad had the audacity to affect an expression of surprise. Javier refused to let it phase him, holding the man's gaze. An uncomfortable silence fell between them.
"Why didn't you run?" Javier asked finally.
"I said I wouldn't," Konrad said simply, looking away again.
Though Javier doubted it was the whole truth, for Konrad seemed as disturbed thinking about his answer as Javier had the question. Javier waited patiently, and after a few moments he was rewarded. Konrad let out a soft sigh, letting his head fall back against the seat. His glance at Javier was thoughtful, and after a moment it seemed he came to a decision.
"Adam—" Konrad began, though his voice initially faltered. "Adam was my closest friend for more than three decades, but thirty years ago he tried to unleash a plague that would have condemned billions of people to death. Their lives meant nothing to him."
Konrad shook his head, his expression bewildered, as if even now, after so many years, he still had difficulty believing it.
"Even having grown up in the time and place I did," he said, "I still can't comprehend that kind of hate. But then I'm only about ninety. I know that sounds old, but Adam has lived almost four times as long... You have no idea how much it scares me, the thought that I might end up like him some day. Maybe that's inevitable, maybe it's not possible to live that long, see that much death and still value human life... But if it is meant to happen, even if this only puts it off a few decades it would be worth it. "
Konrad fell silent for a moment. Javier almost might have thought he was finished, but he could see the wheels still turning in there. He waited, and after a few moments Konrad continued hesitantly, wetting his lips.
"Do you know why I joined the Schutzstaffel?" Konrad asked.
And Javier figured that might just be the most obviously rhetorical question he had heard in his life. It wasn't even a question that it had even occurred to him might need asking. Handling Konrad in the present and imagining his impact on Kevin's future were each hard enough tasks on their own without trying to work the past into the equation—a past that, from Javier's perspective, felt as distant and as abstract as reading a history book. Though he knew and—to a limited value of the word—understood what Konrad's role in history had been, it wasn't something that Javier had truly been able to fathom. And, if anything, it was harder now than it had ever been...
Having come to know Konrad—having learned to see Kevin in him—it was nearly impossible for Javier to imagine him doing any of the things that he knew Konrad must have done.
Seeing the blankness with which Javier met the question, Konrad's mouth turned, a faint, rueful smile gracing his lips that was entirely without humor.
"I had a choice," Konrad said, softly. "Not much of one, but it was a choice. I could have joined the Wehrmacht, you see. No one goes to war and comes back innocent, but there are degrees. I think that if I had, I might have managed to come back with a conscience that was almost clean—or clean enough to live with, at any rate. Every now and then I think about that...imagine how differently things might have been. I would never have been transferred to Auschwitz, never met Adam... I'd be an old man, somewhere...or I might have died years ago. But that old man would never have had to see the things I saw. Do the things I did. Whatever life he would have lived, it would have been much happier..."
"But some people know what they want from life from the time they are children," Konrad continued, "and from as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a detective. And, during the war, the Kriminalpolizei operated under the control of the SS."
Konrad snorted a faint laugh, shaking his head.
"I sold my soul," Konrad said, turning to look Javier in the eye, "because I thought it would be better for my career."
Javier said nothing. There really was nothing he could say to that. And, if anything, he thought Konrad appreciated the opportunity his silence afforded to arrange his thoughts. His eyes settled on some indefinable point beyond the window. He paused once more for just a moment, distressed lines etched into his forehead, but after a moment they smoothed out, the expression growing thoughtful.
Finally, he said:
"Did you know that Noah Bennet was a car salesman before he was recruited to the Company?"
And Javier couldn't imagine anything breaking the tension of Konrad's reminiscence more completely than that. In spite of everything, it shocked a startled laugh out of him.
"What?"
"Back then, I thought the whole thing was ridiculous," Konrad said with a slight smile, "but Angela said he had a destiny. And she was right of course—she always is—but it took a lot of convincing. And I still remember what she told me... She said, 'It's never too late to become what we might have been.'"
The smile lingered as he finished speaking, and when he turned to look at him, Javier was slightly stunned to see real warmth in his eyes.
"Kevin Ryan has the job I always wanted, a pretty fiance, loyal friends...and a partner who would go to the ends of the Earth for him. I might not have meant to create him, but...somehow he has become the man I always wanted to be— Maybe the man I would have been if not for the war."
And, though his smile turned sad, there was no regret in his voice, and no uncertainty.
"Accident or not, that man exists," Konrad said. "I don't think I could live with myself if I destroyed him."
PREV: Chapter Twenty-Four // MAIN // NEXT: Chapter Twenty-Six
Author's Note: The Smiths thing is the result of an in-joke with my sister and a mutual friend of ours who once lived in the same building as Morrissey. For the longest time I debated whether to include lyrics...and then, which song it should be. "How Soon Is Now" is so overused and clichéd, even if it would be pretty perfect for Konrad. (Maybe a little too perfect.). I finally chose "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out". Mostly just because I really like that one.
