So I got muse-jumped again for further manipage, and was forced to work it out through an improved version of Jotun!Steve from the fic I'm now tentatively titling "Climate Change". I like the end result. It looks like what you'd get if Kal Drogo and Mystique had a baby.

Barbarian Warrior 11 by Marcus Ranum
Icicles 2
Shield/Cap=random crap from Google