Wtf: I'm caught in a "poor me" moment...

[black_sluggard]

This is me being childish and whiny. Really, you're probably better off skipping this.

I want to start this out by saying that I'm aware of how pathetic this is. And petty, and stupid. But I've been depressed as hell lately, because I've been getting a ton of stuff written (which basically usually results in the opposite of depressed), and I don't feel like anyone's been reading my fics. T_T

It's one of those things where logical thought doesn't really fix the problem. Because I know that a. the pairing that I write for is kind of marginal on its own, b. while I write prolifically within that marginal pairing, my stories are often painfully off-genre for the fandom, and c. most of the friends/commenters I've been missing are busy with real life stuff that I'm actually perfectly aware of.

Still, it's just frustrating seeing a new writer enter the fandom and get comments from people I haven't heard from in over a year because *gasp* they manage to write Castle stories without werewolves/zombies/aliens/Nazis/angels/timetravel in them.

In other words, yes, this is me being totally jealous of another writer and not even trying to hide it.

*sigh*

(Though really I'm totally jazzed that there's another voice for the pairing now, because seriously, Kevin and Javier need it.)

Comments

[roachstar.livejournal.com]

I'm still reading and love all of your fic! apart from the Black Edelweiss fic coz I don't "get" it lol. I've just been too busy to really say anything lately - hoping to go back and review when I get the chance! :)

[black_sluggard]

Yeah, I know everyone's got things. This is just my id making grabby hands for praise and being cranky when it doesn't get it. >.<

[game-byrd.livejournal.com]

I totally get you. heroes_faves, a couple weeks ago, made a post asking people about what they thought of the state of the fandom and I tracked it for a while ... long enough to see four different people say they were either overwhelmed by the degree of Petlar, that all that was left active in the fandom was Petlar, or that they didn't like Petlar and therefore didn't see a place for themselves in the fandom anymore.

I was looking at my masterlist the other day and ... yeah, when I ran the numbers on word count, 90% of it is Petlar. That's around 1.75 million words of Petlar. But I've still got lots more Petlar I want to write!

I was very frustrated and quit tracking that thread. Didn't help that the mod of heroes_faves (jackvelvet) also doesn't like Petlar (or me) and was making these snide little comments back.

I love your writing, by the way, and totally intend to get more of it as soon as I can.

[game-byrd.livejournal.com]

Oh, also want to say that there don't seem to be a lot of active commenters around anymore, regardless. I posted some Star Trek fic to all the Trek comms a month ago or so and while I got some responses, it wasn't many. Has everyone migrated off to other fandoms? Or to another platform altogether? I've been getting a handful of kudos and stuff from AO3 in the last month for some reason, and people have to seriously look for my fic over there because it's been forever since I posted it there and that means it gets buried in their system.

Maybe LJ just isn't where it's at anymore?

[black_sluggard]

Yeah, I honestly have no idea. Ryan/Esposito is where my heart lies, and I'm probably never going to be able to get away from the pairing entirely. But I posted a Hawaii Five-0 fic a while back and got a huge amount of response on it. I think it really is a per-fandom thing. The longer a show is around, the less enthusiasm there is in general maybe? There was a lot more feedback for Castle once upon a time, or at least for my little neck of the fandom. But the characters I favor are supporting characters in a show heavily focused on the hook-up-already shenanigans of the leading pair, in a fandom heavily biased toward het.

Plus, in canon, one of half of the pairing has been married off in a weak side plot (to a character played by the actors RL wife...ugh) and the other has been shuffled into an equally weak will-they-or-won't-they (though really should they?) romantic subplot where they're dubiously paired with another acceptably ethnic supporting character...I'm convinced simply because she was there.

[adja999.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I've been MIA, because I know I'm one of your fans. And I'll repeat it, I didn't mean "reader", I meant "fan".

Like I've mentionned ealier today in a comment, I love how you find the right ways to describe moments, emotions or feelings and can create an atmosphere where pain is like a guitar string that you *hear* being wound tighter and tighter and I DO recoil in my chair expecting everything to go to hell any word.
And it often does. :P

I've mentionned it before too, but I'll say so here so maybe someone else my react to it and either back me up or offer an opposite opinion: Something that I find off putting about LJ and stories in parts that come few and far between: I forget about them.

I do track your journal, but I loose track of your fics sometimes because it's not JUST fics and not JUST one fic. It doesn't feel clear to me, but what I mean is that, to me, you'd be better off posting one chap by one chap ALSO (maybe especially?) on sites that have story-specific alerts like AO3 and FF.net.
And/or waiting until you have a story complete before posting it so it won't drag or get cut by writer's block.
I know it's a HUGE, HUUUUUUGE problem of mine (I have a 45K Jensen/Jared horror slash story that I think you would like that I wrote in a 48h, no stop, crazy inspired haze and is stalled at the last, last chapter. I actually re read it recently and relized that, while I'd set it in the near future at the time... it happened in Februrary this year... :/)
So I have taken a stand with my work. Because at first I started off as a fanfic reader and suffered real deception when some fics were never finished, I vowed I'd never do that. So I finish my shit first (and therefore can go back and edit previous parts if needed) and then post. In bulk OR piece by piece (piece by piece can allow you to gain more readers because they see you, then see you again soon after, and maybe after the third time they'll click?).
One time I deviated from the pattern and the Heroes story is still unfinished. :/

I understand that if you do it that way, you don't get feedback. But maybe you can have a panel of readers (say.. me? others that commented here?) that give you that before you post?

Maybe teasing your stories differently could be helpful? I don't know, I don't usually read your summaries because I know I'll click.

Maybe... try either finding the spots where the weirdoes are OR picking fandoms people actually know?
With xovers you always risk people not taking a chance because they don't know a verse. So with multiple.... *shrug*

Keep on, we love you! If you need more cheering up, you know where to find me. If you need EVEN more cheering up, register to "A note from the Universe". ^^